Christmas

I loved this devotional this morning, a year ago I was here.... I remember standing in Kohls 3 days after my mom had passed away trying to still "create" Christmas for my family as I knew life had to still go on and as I looked around I saw so many happy, frustrated, overwhelmed, faces. It was weird to think the heartache I was in and what I was feeling and no one knew around me. This year I am back to "Christmas is Great and I love the season" Still remebering everyday the anniversary of what this last year meant in my life, however not with an attitude of how can I help someone elses sad or lonely Christmas. : / Hope you enjoy!!!

December 14, 2009

Christmas Excuses
Karen Ehman

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:5-6a (NIV)
Devotion:
"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" The loudspeaker blared out the joyful lyrics of the familiar holiday song that snowy afternoon on Christmas Eve. Everywhere I glanced, people were searching for last-minute gift purchases, holiday baking ingredients or that one final string of twinkle lights that would make their Christmas Martha Stewart'ish, HGTV approved, and downright Norman Rockwell perfect. However, as I stood in line paying for the ingredients for my assigned Cheesy Potato side dish for our extended family gathering, a lump formed in my throat. Soon the lump made its way north as my lips quivered and hot tears fell onto my wind-chapped cheeks. How can everyone be so happy? Why is the world going on as if nothing happened? My friend Julie died last night leaving behind a husband and eight children who need her. Doesn't anyone care? I wanted to scream. And I wanted Christmas to be promptly cancelled that year. I had no holiday cheer in me and I thought the rest of the world should follow suit and just 'humbug' the whole celebration.
Our family made it through that holiday. My young children, although sad about their friends' mother's death, perked up Christmas morning, eager to open their gifts. My husband and I carried on with our normal life and, over the next few months, tried to help lighten the load of our now widower friend. Several in our circle of friends made meals on a weekly basis. A college girl offered to clean their home. One of Julie's sons joined our homeschool for kindergarten a few days each week. Although we still experienced great heartache knowing our friend wasn't coming back, helping to lighten her husband's load and cheer the children made us feel useful and as if we were fulfilling the mission God had for us. Ever since that year, our family has become even more aware of the fact that for many, Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year. It is downright painful. Loneliness looms. Depressions darken. Even suicides soar. While scores of us delight in the yuletide season, drinking in deep the sights, sounds and smells, others meander about, numb from pain, despising the season.
A sweet neighbor of mine once told me, "Christmas is an excuse for making someone's life better." She was so right! Right in our midst, there are souls waiting to be encouraged and included at the holidays. If only we would cease our own sometimes self-centered hustle and bustle long enough to see!
After that sad season, we have made it our mission to reach out at the holidays more than we play the commercialized "gimmee game." Christmas is so not about getting. Its very essence is giving. When our family has been intentional about being Jesus' hands and feet at the holidays, He has allowed us to brighten the lives of many and, in return, make our own season even sweeter. We've Christmas caroled to shut-ins, decorated homes and addressed Christmas cards for widows, shopped for the needy, baked for the brokenhearted, taken in foreign exchange students with no where to spend the day and often included the lonely in our normal Christmas activities as if they were part of our family.... Because really, they are. Maybe it is your family God wants to set a lonely soul in this year.
Vow this Christmas to use the season as an excuse to make someone's life better.
As a result, your life too will be immeasurably blessed.

Thanksgiving

The past few years our family has been distant, disconnected, bitter, angry.. etc etc etc. In October of last year my mom had called me crying. She asked me if God wasn't healing her because she didn't have enough faith. I felt so over whelmed for her to think she felt she could control being healed if she just believed enough. It was such a God moment. I could feel every word coming out of my mouth like it was dream. In slow motion. I felt God give me the words and knew the answer. God wasn't healing her physically but he was healing her. He was healing her and her family emotionally. That the healing going on was far more important for the generations to come than her living. That because of her illness walls were being broken down. Things were changing. She started sobbing and said that my words confirmed what she had already felt she knew. I wonder if at that moment she knew death was close?

As Thanksgiving moved closer this year there was so much reflection and feelings. It was this time last year on our usual drive to Potrero to camp with about 20 friends is when I received the call saying my mom had a week at the most to live. The last Thanksgiving I spent with my mom was at Potrero. We were going to have to turn around. Thanksgiving at Potrero was not going to be the same this year... I remember the rush of so many feelings. The calls I knew I had to make. The fact all of us were in the car together as I received the most horrible news. I felt so vulnerable to be feeling everything that I was feeling with everyone in the car. It was one of those moments I wanted to fall apart and felt I had to keep it together for the sake of everyone else. I wanted to be so far away from where I was. To run, and have it all go away.

This year as years past we packed up the trailer, the family, and made the drive to Potrero. We hung out with friends, we laughed, ate and made memories. BUT things were different this year..... We arrived in our normal spot #3 and I could visually remember standing there 1 year earlier crying in my husbands arms being so angry that that she was going to die. I had no faith that day and couldn't comprehend any good coming from any of this. As Thanksgiving day this year came, I pulled out my moms traditional turkey platter that we always had when I was a child, I placed the cranberry sauce in her dish as she always placed it. I had such joy. To be spending this Thanksgiving remembering old ones, old traditions, the things that once were. In the year since I received the worst news of my life, God held true to the revelation he had given me in that conversation that October! That morning I received a text for from my dad, he was coming up, and then my sister called she to was coming up. I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my father.. well in forever! But for the first time in years, we spent Thanksgiving as a complete family (OK- minus 1 sister but she was invited and couldn't make it) but my oldest sister and I camped and hosted, my father came, my other sister made the drive, all of our kids, we laughed, we took pictures and enjoyed each others company with out judgement or anger! I felt the greatest joy inside, to know we were better than we had been in years. We were a family!!

Justin

Wow... Im so enjoying hanging out with him right now! This weekend we had 4 water polo games. West Hills ROCKED!!! We came in 2nd for the JV tournament. This just says it all for me.

Just love when they do this. The dominate every other team in their chant. If its been Cross country, Gymnastics, Tennis, or now water Polo, WH has mastered the chant! Just cant help but get pumped up : )

Score!!!

He is number 6 : )

My Mom

Some days I just really miss her!!!!

http://vimeo.com/2719658

http://vimeo.com/2720440

My first entry Thanks Heather

Well first I am SSSOOOOOO excited! Heather set up this blog for me on my 40th birthday as a gift! I couldn't access it because she forgot the password. HAHA We tried changing it etc. Couldn't get in! You would think just get a new one, right? Not sentimental me! I wanted this one! I liked it, she created it for me and I loved the title. So In the midst of my crazy life full of emotion today I had a God moment and started an email as I often do to share and ask for prayer. I thought again, wow I wish I had a blog. I thought well ill go to the one and just try it. OMG... It worked, it let me on. : ) Thanks God for little favors that make you ever so excited. So here goes my first post in Wendy's World.... Hope you enjoy or aren't extremely tired after I fill your head with the drama of my 6 year old challenge.

So as I sat today completely overwhelmed and stumped in parenting 101.. (is there such a thing???) I received an email. A bit of back ground. Maddie is struggling going back to school. OK who am I kidding, she isn't struggling going back, she has always seemed to struggle if I'm not going or sometimes even if I am. We have times where she runs right off and could care less if I'm in tow and then other times complete insecurity. She will show an amazing side of security, braveness, and I'll show you and then there is this side. I don't understand it, cant relate to it, and definitely am not condoning it. I have always told my kids "step out of the box, enjoy the moment, try something new" I never take the same route twice to go home. I don't get the anxiety of trying something new and just not pushing through the tough part to enjoy the other side. So after 9 days of 1st grade, crying everyday. She woke up at 6am crying again, missing Daddy (who is out of town) and begging not to have to go. When she is there she loves it, has friends, knows all the staff, has special big girl jobs, interjects, and seems completely comfortable from what I see. However.... the 3 hours of crying before hand came to an end when she vomited in my car on the way to school... Cute as button, in her little blue checker skirt, Mickey mouse slip ons and hair bow to match and she is throwing up in my front seat. : /

So as any I guess Mean mom would do, I handed her a cup and a towel and let her know she needed to finish so we could get into class. : / It took all I had to not just turn around and go home. It would have been easier to have her lay on the couch all day and not have to deal with all the drama. After 1 1/2 hours in her class, no more throwing up I decided it was time to quit putting off the inevitable... I had to leave. Did not go over well. I ended up talking to the principle, the school psych, and the teacher because I just don't know what else to do. They all proceeded to tell me I am doing everything right, keep pressing forward, and if I needed them they were there to help. OK 1st- if I'm doing everything right, WHY AM I DEALING WITH THIS AFTER 4 YEARS. 2nd-YES I need them, that's why I went looking for them all. LOL

So with all that said here is the email I received today...

Laugh Together

Son to mom: “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?”
Mom: I don’t know, how many?
Son: “None, a light bulb has to decide to change itself.”


HHHMMMM..... Maybe she has to decide to change herself.

More of the email..

Life Has Issues!

For me it has been a battle to keep “choosin joy” this month: My computer crashed and lost all my data – despite an elaborate back up system we had in place! No computer or files for 2 weeks. Then to retrieve the most recent files (including an entire book I was ready to turn in ironically entitled, LOL with God: Text Messages from Heaven—a humorous devotional), I had to write a fat check (who wants to write a check for data retrieval? Or tires, or a washer repair job? But we need them all, don’t we?) Then I sent a son to college and that is emotional—and expensive. In this same checking account draining week, everything we owned broke: the sprinkler system, car, air conditioner, ceiling fan, ice maker, etc . . .To keep a smile on my face, I have had to keep pumping in the joy producers—things that help me trust God and keep a positive life outlook. Here’s a look at a few tools of the “joy trade” I used this month:

(Joy Point: Keep hope at the end of your responsibility tunnel!)
In my journal: "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. John 14:12.
(Joy point: Be in step with the Spirit and watch and see exciting things God can do through you!)(Joy Point: How we hand hassles and adversity is part of the legacy we leave.)
(Joy Point: Review God’s faithfulness.)
(Joy Point: Keep trying!)
[Joy Point: 'Well done, good and faithful servant, You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; (Matt 25:21)]
Keep Choosin Joy!

So with all my tears I shed today walking off campus, being completely overwhelmed, having no answers for the little one I gave life to and am supposed to have answers for. I am going to choose joy!